Limits Page 12

  ‘Uh …’

  ‘How much of your reporting does Millie do?’

  Barney’s face went red and he looked away for a moment. Pav had his answer.

  ‘I’m guessing it’s way over the average consultant, right?’

  Barney took a step back and started to rub the back of his neck. ‘Look, she’s like a goddamn machine, okay? The amount of work she gets through … it’s insane.’

  ‘You can’t just keep using her for service provision and for the shitty meetings you lot are too bloody lazy to go to.’

  Barney let out a huff of breath. ‘She knows all the data, all right? She doesn’t need us. Hell, when somebody does go with her they have to ask her how to wipe their own arse anyway.’

  ‘She was uncomfortable in that meeting, Barney. You know what a prick Lucas can be and how he’s resisting this move towards the non-invasive stuff you lot deliver. It was like sending a lamb to the slaughter.’

  ‘A lamb?’ Barney spluttered, his eyebrows shooting up into his hairline. ‘Have you met Dr Mor … I mean Millie? She’s a bloody robot. My stapler has a bigger range of emotions.’

  Rage swept through Pav for the second time that morning. His hands clenched at his sides and he had an overwhelming desire to punch this joker in his smug, pudgy face. He took a step towards him, and at his murderous expression Barney’s face paled. ‘She is not a robot. You know she isn’t. You were there at that Grand Round and you saw what happened.’

  ‘Well … I … I … that was …’

  ‘That was a sensitive, anxious-to-please, terrified woman being pushed beyond her limits.’

  Barney crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes at Pav.

  ‘You were the one to push her there, you hypocrite.’

  ‘My mistake: I accept that. What I will not accept is more of the same. She has feelings. Christ, she’s so frighteningly intelligent that she probably over-thinks, and worries more than any of us numbskulls.’ Pav sighed and some of the angry tension drained out of his body. ‘Look, she works hard for you and she enjoys it. I’m not asking for that to stop. All I want is for you to do what you’re supposed to do: protect her, look after her. She’s your trainee.’

  ‘She doesn’t need any bloody training,’ Barney shot back. ‘She knows guidelines that haven’t even been published yet.’

  ‘You still have to support her. She may know all the guidelines but she doesn’t know how to implement them. How to put her case forward for them. It’s your job to help her with that. You can start by calling her by her goddamn name.’

  Barney pushed his hand through his hair and shrugged. ‘Okay, okay. I’ll try and … change things up a bit.’

  ‘Great,’ Pav said, forcing a smile and slapping Barney on the arm with a little too much force to be considered friendly. Barney gave him a nervous smile and started backing away. ‘Oh, and Barney?’

  ‘Yes?’ Barney turned back with his hand still on the door handle.

  ‘I can make things difficult for you. Understand?’

  Barney swallowed.

  ‘Stop taking the piss with this, yeah?’

  Chapter 14

  Professor X.

  ‘Hello, Willy Fiddler,’ said Kira as she pulled open Millie’s door with a huge smile on her face. Pav frowned. Millie had told him Kira was coming to pick her up at eight. It was now just before seven and Pav had been hoping to beat her to it and take Millie to the group instead.

  ‘Kira, what are you wearing?’ he asked as he pushed into the house.

  Kira’s partly blue hair was tangled up in a messy knot on the top of her head, complete with the couple of permanent small plaits with rainbow ribbons running through them. She had a loose man’s wife-beater on, which displayed her black lacy bra at the sides and where it dipped down low in front, combined with a pair of totally indecent denim short shorts and cowboy boots. Who in their right mind wore cowboy boots in London after 1997? Her lipstick was the same blue shade as the streaks in her hair.

  ‘Yo! Bitches! Get your arses down here pronto. We need to load up and roll out.’ Kira strutted down the corridor as she shouted, and went to the kitchen counter where there was a full shot glass waiting for her. She downed it and winced. ‘Badger me backwards, that stuff is rough as a hedgehog’s arse.’

  ‘What the hell is going on? I thought this was book group night. Why are you downing shots?’

  Kira slammed the glass back down on the granite and poked him in the chest. ‘Field trip, my man,’ she told him.

  ‘Field trip?’ Pav frowned. ‘Is that why you’re dressed like a hippy prostitute on speed?’

  Kira laughed. ‘How did you know that’s the exact look I’m going for? Environmentally conscious, tofu-eating slut-whore.’

  ‘Kira?’ a new voice sounded from across the room. Millie’s friend Eleanor was standing in the entryway to the kitchen biting her lip. ‘I don’t think she’s going to wear it. Oh … hey there, Dr …’

  ‘It’s Pav,’ he corrected, smiling at El whose eyes went slightly unfocused for a moment. Extracting information from this one should be a lot easier than insane-bohemian-on-crack. ‘Would you mind telling me what exactly is going on?’

  ‘Well –’

  ‘Hey,’ Crazy Woman interrupted, punching Pav quite painfully in the arm. ‘Turn off the charm-beam, Romeo, and leave El alone. You’ll find out soon enough. Right.’ She moved towards a flustered Eleanor and took her by the arm to steer her out of the kitchen. ‘Show me the patient. I’ll sort her out.’

  *****

  Millie pulled at the hem of her skirt and worried her bottom lip. Okay, so maybe she’d been feeling the sting of loneliness more over the last few years, maybe she wanted to break out of her self-imposed isolation a little bit. But going out in a tiny black dress with her hair totally out of control and her make-up in a style that could only be described as ‘skank’ was a little extreme. When she’d told El she couldn’t go out like that and started to search for another outfit, Kira had bowled into her room and snatched the far more conservative clothes right out of her hands, dumping them on the bed.

  ‘I promise,’ Kira told Millie, shocking her by taking both her hands in hers and giving them a shake. ‘I promise you’ll feel comfortable in this once we get where we’re going.’

  ‘Kira,’ Millie forced out (she was still getting used to being on first name terms with this woman, leave alone handholding), ‘I can’t wear this anywhere. I just can’t. It’s … it’s beyond my limits. I’m sorry. I –’

  ‘Do you trust me?’

  ‘Er …’ Millie trailed off. She didn’t want to insult Kira, but she didn’t know her. Not really. It took a long time for Millie to trust anybody. If she could have lied she would have, but she’d never been very good at that either.

  Kira just smiled. ‘I don’t blame you, Professor X.’ This nickname had been a new development over the last week; something to do with x-rays and Millie’s ‘super-powered brain’. Millie was not about to object; she vastly preferred it to Nuclear Winter. ‘I wouldn’t trust me either, but I’m not a bitch. You only ever incurred the stick-up-her-arse Kira ’cause I thought you were a bitch.’

  ‘I’m sorry about that,’ Millie whispered, heat flooding her cheeks. ‘Sometimes I just don’t know how to –’

  ‘Hey,’ Kira said in a soft voice, one that Millie hadn’t ever heard her use before, ‘I understand now, okay? You just be you, X. The rest of us need to get over ourselves. We find that mega-brain of yours intimidating sometimes, is all.’

  ‘Kira, stop embarrassing her. God, it’s like a disease with you,’ a deep voice sounded from down the hallway.

  Millie peeked around Kira’s body and froze. She was kind of getting used to Pav now. In the two weeks since he’d first come to Gammy’s home he had made lots of trips down to the department to hang out in her office with her and Don, bringing her coffees, asking unnecessary questions about that week’s MDT, shooting weirdly hostile glances at the head o
f her department. He’d even come back to the residential home for bingo night again where they managed to convince him to give a talk on urology. The fact that most of the residents were women and didn’t have the necessary equipment to make the in and outs of prostate disease relevant to them did not seem to put them off: it was a record turn-out for an outside speaker; Millie doubted that even Mary Berry would draw that much of a crowd.

  Well, she may have been getting used to him, but that didn’t mean his sheer physical beauty and charisma wasn’t a shock for a few moments every time she saw him again. Tonight he had on a fitted shirt, which showed off his broad shoulders and well-defined chest. His jaw was covered in dark stubble, and his thick dark hair looked a good couple of weeks past needing a cut; the hint of a curl at the ends where it met his shirt collar gave Millie the inexplicable urge to throw herself into his arms and run her fingers through it. She was losing her mind.

  Pav saw her as Kira moved to the side and, just like he had for the last two weeks whenever their eyes met, he smiled his wide, glamorous smile and she felt her stomach drop and heat hit her cheeks.

  ‘Woah!’ he said through his smile, covering the distance between them in just four long strides, then placing his hands on her hips and looking her up and down for a long moment, before his eyes came back to hers. His smile had dimmed and his expression was almost fierce; then he blinked and shook his head as if to clear it. ‘You look amazing,’ he whispered in her ear after he’d kissed her cheek. She felt him inhale at her neck for a long moment before he pulled back and took her hand in his. Once her dazed expression cleared and her mind started to function again, she regained the power of speech.

  ‘Uh … hi,’ she breathed. His smile widened even more and he tugged her forward.

  ‘Right, where’s your coat?’ he asked, glancing down at her legs and frowning. ‘You got any floor-length ones?’

  ‘She has two floor-length coats,’ El chimed in. She was standing next to Kira in the hallway and for some reason they were both grinning at Millie like crazy people. ‘One black cashmere, one camel wool. I recommend the black cashmere.’ El slipped past them and rooted through the coats on the stand until she found what she was looking for.

  ‘Wow, you guys sure know each other’s wardrobes well.’

  ‘El is the best personal shopper in Selfridges,’ Millie explained. ‘She’s picked out everything I own.’

  ‘Okay,’ Pav said with a little frown of confusion. ‘Er …’ He trailed off: maybe it was better not to get into this zone. What did he know about women and fashion? Maybe they all had personal shoppers. He thought about Kira’s general attire and then Libby’s ratty trainers and jeans and rapidly dismissed that idea.

  ‘I can’t choose clothes for myself,’ Millie explained in a small voice. ‘I … I haven’t got any taste and it’s really important to me that everything is … I mean, that I look …’ She looked down at her feet and pulled her hand out of Pav’s to take the coat El was extending to her.

  ‘You just want to look right,’ El said softly. ‘There’s nothing wrong with that. And you do have taste.’

  Millie rolled her eyes. ‘El, I never make any comments on what you pick for me.’

  ‘I can tell when you don’t like something,’ El told her as Pav took the coat from Millie’s hands and held it out for her. It took a moment for Millie to actually put her arms through the relevant sleeves, she was so shocked by a gesture she’d only ever encountered with Don before. ‘You wrinkle your nose.’

  ‘I … what?’ Millie had lost the thread of the conversation. She now had the coat on and Pav’s hands were resting on her shoulders.

  ‘When you don’t like something. You wrinkle your nose. I always pick out the stuff that is nose-wrinkle free.’

  ‘I … really?’

  ‘Millie. I’ve been working with you for the last five years. You know … I got promoted two years ago – I’m in management now. But I like working with you so much that I come down from the offices to the shop floor for your appointments. You have taste. What you’re short on is confidence.’

  ‘Um … thanks,’ Millie said, giving El a weak smile, choosing to keep the fact she didn’t agree with El to herself. Millie was a pragmatist: she knew what she was good at and what she wasn’t. She was not good with people, and she did not have any taste. These were facts. They were not the product of low self-confidence.

  ‘Okay, X and co.,’ Kira cut it, pulling her own lime-green fake fur coat on and ushering them all out of the door. ‘Time to roll out. I guess you can come with for the ride, Pretty Boy.’

  ‘I’m staying with Millie for more than just the ride, Kira.’

  Kira scanned his outfit and then smiled in a distinctly evil way.

  ‘This’ll be fun,’ she told them all as they left the house.

  *****

  ‘There is a man, with just a … a scrap of leather covering his genitalia, dancing in that cage,’ Millie said, her wide eyes fixed to the site above her and her mouth hanging open. ‘He’s all shiny. Why is he so shiny?’ She tilted her head to the side and squinted in order to get a better look, much to Pav’s annoyance.

  Libby burst out laughing. ‘Live it up, Mils, honey. There’s more where that came from.’

  ‘This place is full of men,’ Millie whispered. ‘And they’re all … I mean …’

  ‘We’re all bloody perfect, darling,’ a male voice drawled next to them. Pav instinctively pulled Millie to his other side and narrowed his eyes at the newcomer. ‘Oh,’ the man said, putting his hand on his well-defined chest over his heart, and throwing his blonde head back dramatically. ‘I love the caveman possessive thing, Gorgeous. Very Bruce Willis circa 1985. If only I were a five-foot-five beautiful submissive brunette. You’d have my ovaries rivalling Cirque du Soleil. Alas, apart from making me sport a slightly uncomfortable semi, your antics are all for nothing. My crumpet’s buttered the other side.’

  Pav blinked, then relaxed his stance and a slow grin spread across his face. ‘Right,’ he said through a chuckle. ‘Of course.’

  ‘We don’t get many real live vagina lovers in here, apart from the lesbians,’ the man said, cocking his head to the side. ‘You’re obvs not gay. Bi-curious?’ He gave Pav a cheeky wink. Pav held his hand up and shook his head.

  ‘Nope,’ he said firmly. ‘Definitely in the vagina-loving camp here.’

  The new man sighed and fixed his gaze on Pav’s chest for a moment. ‘Shame,’ he said. ‘Your grooming is almost up to our standards. You’d have to get rid of that lot though.’ He tapped Pav just above his shirt collar where some of his chest hair was showing.

  ‘Mark!’ Kira flounced into the middle of the group and threw her arms around the new man. He swung her from side to side and gave her a kiss on the cheek. ‘Ki-Ki, darling, you didn’t tell me you were bringing real life hetero men with you. I thought it was girls’ night?’

  ‘Yes, well. He decided to tag along,’ she said, then added: ‘Bi-curious,’ in a stage whisper that was louder than most people’s speaking voices. Pav felt a few eyes near their group turn towards him and he sighed. He’d already had his arse pinched at least twice. Kira’s little announcement would be like a red rag to a bull with some of these blokes. ‘Right, everyone. This is Mark. I met him in the sexual health clinic.’

  ‘Ki-Ki,’ sighed Libby. ‘You worked together in the sexual health clinic.’

  ‘Shut up, Lib!’ Kira hissed. ‘We like peeps to think we have to go get checked regularly. Makes us more edgy – right, Marky Mark?’

  ‘Definitely, darling,’ Mark drawled. ‘If people don’t think I’m getting my end away enough to have to have monthly swabs taken my reputation will be in tatters.’ Mark peered round Pav to smile at Millie. Pav shifted to the side and ushered her into the group. Her face was pale and she had a death-grip on her handbag. He took his arm from her shoulder and prised one set of her fingers off the bag, transferring the death-grip to him.

  ‘You must be t
his girl-genius I’ve heard so much about,’ Mark said, softening his tone from Obnoxious Gay to Warm-Hearted Auntie for her benefit. Pav glanced at Kira and she gave him a small nod. Mark had been briefed about Millie. ‘You look like a sexy Audrey Hepburn. I can’t wait to show you around.’

  Millie’s lips were pressed firmly together. She closed her eyes for just a moment, then managed to prise them apart and force out a ‘thanks’. Mark smiled even wider.

  ‘Okay, Screaming Orgasms all round, ladies!’ he shouted. Tara and Claire screamed in agreement. Millie shot Pav a panicked look as Mark took her arm.

  ‘I don’t think I –’ she started to say as she resisted being pulled forward toward the bar and away from Pav.

  ‘Don’t worry, darling,’ Mark said, tugging her firmly along. ‘You don’t need your bodyguard in here. He, on the other hand …’ He trailed off as she glanced back at Pav. A couple of bystanders had sidled up to him in the space of the last thirty seconds, and by the feel of the large hand on his arse they were wanting to test just how bi-curious he was prepared to get. ‘Well, let’s worry about that later.’

  Chapter 15

  Fuck all the men

  The world felt as if it was ever so slightly tilted to the side. Millie hiccupped. She was drunk. For the first time in her twenty-six years she was actually inebriated. When she’d arrived at the bar with Mark and discovered that Screaming Orgasms were in fact alcoholic beverages in shot glasses, she’d informed him that she didn’t drink.

  He frowned. ‘Ex-alcoholic?’ he’d asked.

  She told him no but had explained about the interaction of alcohol with primary and secondary targets within the brain causing alterations in gene expression and synaptic plasticity, leading to long-lasting alteration in neuronal network activity.

  After that speech he burst out laughing and slammed a shot down in front of her. ‘I think it’s time to shake up your neuronal network, baby,’ he told her. ‘I’m sure there’ll be enough brain cells up there to take the hit.’