Limits Page 17

  ‘Agreed: no more arguing. Now, what are we watching?’

  Beauty took the opportunity to move back to her position with her head in Millie’s lap. Both man and dog were pinning her in place. For some reason the trapped feeling she might have expected didn’t come. She closed her eyes and let her body relax. The firm muscles of Pav’s chest moved under her cheek as he pulled her even closer, much to Beauty’s annoyance, and then settled.

  ‘Right then, Jamie, me ol’ mucker,’ Pav muttered as he reached forward for the remote, taking Millie and a disgruntled Beauty with him. ‘What channels have you got on your telly other than the Beeb, you big tight-arse.’ He turned on Sky and starting working his way through all the channels. ‘Do you like Game of Thrones?’

  Millie gave a non-committal shrug. She loved Game of Thrones, but Pav didn’t have to know that. She felt his chest under her cheek shake with what she suspected was suppressed laughter. He turned his body towards hers and shifted her to face him, Beauty still keeping her legs pinned down. Her face was so close to his that she could feel his breath on her cheek.

  ‘Okay, this is not a state secret, gorgeous. I swear I will not use this information for nefarious purposes. All I want to know is if you like Game of Thrones – it’s kind of a Marmite thing and I don’t want to make you sit through something you hate.’ Millie blinked, and then her eyes locked with Pav’s dark brown ones. What had he asked her? All she could think was how beautiful he was. She shifted just that bit closer, almost as if her body wasn’t under her full control, and his pupils dilated as his smile slowly faded.

  Before she could really process what was happening he was sliding his nose along hers and his hand was pushing up into her hair. He pulled back for a second to scan her face before he moved his mouth to hers and pressed their lips together in a feather-light kiss. She melted against him. Up until then Millie wouldn’t have said that was possible, but her bones literally drained of all calcium as she sank into him, her own hand leaving Beauty’s head and moving into Pav’s thick hair.

  His pupils were now so dilated that his eyes were almost black. Feather-light kisses were a thing of the past. His hand tightened in her hair and he moved her head to the exact angle he wanted, before pressing his mouth more firmly against hers.

  After a moment he pulled back, gently bit her lip and then murmured against her mouth, ‘Open for me baby, please.’ She gasped and when his tongue slid in, white-hot heat flashed through her body and a small moan escaped. She heard and felt a rumbling in Pav’s large chest as he deepened the kiss, pushing her back onto the arm of the sofa and forcing Beauty’s head off her lap. The hand that was not sunk into the thick softness of his hair now slipped under his jumper to feel the smooth, hot skin over the corded muscles of his back, eliciting another low sound from his chest.

  He shifted and somehow managed to manoeuvre their bodies so he was lying fully on top her. His weight, pressing her into the sofa, felt unbelievable. His hand had slipped up to her back and unhooked her bra, and then he started to move. She could feel him against her, his hips having fallen between her legs, and the pressure on her core was perfect. She gasped when his hand moved from her back to cup her breast before he started moving against her. Their kiss deepened until Pav drew away and started breathing into her neck and lightly biting her ear as he continued to move, all the while whispering encouragement to her, telling her she was beautiful. Millie couldn’t have said how long they stayed like that, locked together, but she soon started to feel it building and building until stars exploded behind her eyes and wave upon wave of pleasure swept through her body.

  For a moment an almost fierce expression crossed Pav’s face as he looked down at her. His hands tightened on her breast and her back and she could feel his body tense. His eyes were full of such stark need that Millie felt a shiver of apprehension. Something must have shown on her face because after scanning it once Pav clenched his jaw so tight that Millie could see a muscle tick at the side of his face, let out a low groan, and then collapsed on top of her. He let her take all his weight for a moment before he lifted himself up onto his elbows. He grinned down at her, the fire still in his eyes but somehow restrained. A tender expression crossed his face as he brushed back the stray curls that had escaped from her ponytail behind her ear. Millie stared up at him with wide eyes; she could still feel the hectic flush on her face. A low growl next to them made them both turn their heads to be confronted by a large, angry dogface inches from theirs.

  ‘That dog is a pervert,’ Pav said, reaching behind a still-stunned Millie to do up her bra and pulling her soft jumper back down into place. Millie was not sure what post-orgasm protocol was. Did she say thank you? That seemed odd. Before she could say anything, Pav had kissed the tip of her nose and then his weight was lifted from her body. He pulled her up and tucked her back under his arm with her head on his chest.

  ‘Uh …’ Millie started as Beauty’s head settled back into her lap. ‘What – ?

  His chest had started shaking under her cheek and then she realised he was laughing. Had she done something wrong? For her it was mind-blowing, but of course he hadn’t … well, he hadn’t finished. Was she supposed to do something about that? Was she being rude even? Had it merely been … amusing for Pav?

  ‘Christ,’ he said through his laughter. ‘I haven’t done something like that since I was fifteen.’

  ‘I … I don’t understand,’ Millie admitted. Her voice was tight, and as always Pav picked up on it. He made an effort to quell his laughter but his voice was still shaking with it when he managed to reply.

  ‘Bloody dry-humping on a sofa. I’m sorry, Millie, you must think I’m a joke. And to top it all off we’re actually babysitting right now.’ He started laughing again. ‘We’re horny teenagers using babysitting as an excuse to get jiggy in the grown-ups’ living room. Jamie would kill me and probably burn all his furniture if he knew.’

  ‘I do not think you’re a joke,’ Millie said, her voice confused and a little fierce. ‘That was … that was …’ His body had stilled next to hers and her voice dropped to a whisper as she lost some of her confidence. ‘That was incredible. I’ve never … I mean …’

  ‘You’ve never fooled around whilst you were babysitting?’

  Millie bit her lip and sank her free hand further into Beauty’s fur. ‘Pav, I’ve never fooled around before … um … ever … with anyone.’

  ‘What do you mean exactly?’ Pav asked; his tone was cautious now.

  ‘I mean that you were …’ She trailed off and squeezed her eyes shut tight, a wave of embarrassment sweeping over her. ‘You were my first kiss. I can’t compare embarrassing teenage stories with you because … well … I don’t have any.’

  ‘First kiss? But what … ?’ There was silence for a good few moments as Millie let Pav digest this latest piece of her craziness. ‘I don’t understand. Millie, you’re beautiful. How is it that you … ?’

  The absurdity of Pav being shocked by this information overwhelmed Millie and she did something that she rarely ever did: she giggled.

  ‘Pav, I barely engage with other people at all. I don’t usually let anyone touch me. I have severe social anxiety. When exactly am I going to be kissing people? Leave alone … fooling around.’

  ‘Right, okay,’ Pav said. He sounded shell-shocked, but instead of pushing her away like a freaky twenty-six-year-old virgin would deserve, he pulled her in tighter to his side, grabbed the hand that was in Beauty’s fur and entwined his fingers with hers before settling them both on his hard stomach. When Beauty objected he told her to bugger off. The dog responded by shifting his massive head onto Pav’s lap and drooling on his arm.

  A few long moments passed before Pav managed to speak again, and when he did, his voice was slightly strangled for some reason.

  ‘So, going back to the original question: do you like Game of Thrones?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Okay then. Libby has them all on her planner, the little ne
rd, if you want to watch it from the –’

  ‘I’ve seen all the episodes apart from –’

  ‘Last night’s,’ Pav supplied, a smile back in his voice. ‘See, you’re perfect for me.’ He clicked through with the remote and selected the episode. Millie settled more deeply into him and let herself breathe in his gorgeous washing-powder-with-undercurrent-of-man smell for a few minutes. That time was spent ignoring the television (something unheard of for her whilst Game of Thrones was on) and building up her courage to ask Pav a question. She would have left it, but that experience was just too incredible to allow her too.

  ‘Um … Pav?’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘When … when do we do that again?’

  ‘Millie, I think we’ve done enough for now,’ he told her, his voice back to being strangled and hoarse.

  ‘Er … have we?’ she asked. ‘I mean … you … ?’

  Pav let out a choked noise, then cleared his throat.

  ‘We’re going to go slow,’ he said, his voice firm – he sounded like he was making a vow to himself.

  ‘Oh.’ Millie’s mouth twisted to the side. ‘Okay. Well. Let me know when we’ve waited long enough for it to count as “going slow”.’

  Pav groaned as his chest started shaking with laughter. ‘Bloody hell, you’re going to kill me; I’ve created a monster.’

  Chapter 21

  You just wait until next year, right?

  An hour later and a Game of Thrones episode down, Millie’s phone buzzed. She knew it would be a text from her mother and she knew she didn’t want to look at it, not whilst she was so comfortable next to Pav and underneath a giant dog’s head. (Pav had tried to push Beauty off after saying, quite rightly, that she smelled of decaying flesh, but she was just too large to move with brute force.) So Millie ignored her phone, despite the barrage of texts that followed. Unfortunately Pav’s hand was resting over her back pocket and he felt the vibration.

  ‘You must be a fan if you won’t even check your phone whilst a Lannister’s head is being chopped off,’ he’d probed, and Millie just shrugged.

  A minute passed before he spoke again. ‘Millie, what was all that with your mum on the phone earlier? It sounded … uh … well. Does she always upset you that much?’

  Millie stiffened.

  ‘You can tell me, you know,’ he said softly. ‘I promise you can trust me.’

  ‘I …’ Millie trailed off, the right answer was yes; yes her mother did always upset her that much, if not more. That’s why she had as limited contact as possible. ‘She didn’t upset me,’ Millie lied, thinking that it might be easier than the complicated, unpleasant truth.

  ‘Oh really?’ Pav said. She glanced up at his face and saw that his eyebrows were raised. ‘So why were you as close to tears as I’ve ever seen you earlier, and why were you hurting yourself again? Didn’t seem like a friendly chat to me.’

  ‘My mother is …’ Hmm, thought Millie, how best to describe her mother? Surprisingly she heard Kira’s voice in her head saying ‘raging bitch’, and stifled a giggle. An actual giggle … whilst thinking about her mother. What was happening to her? ‘My mother is … complicated.’

  ‘Well, if she’s going to be that unpleasant then maybe you should have it out with her. I could always –’

  ‘No, no,’ Millie jumped in, panic cutting through her relaxed brain at the thought of Pav getting involved in the mess that was her family. ‘I mean, I don’t speak to them anyway unless it’s Christmas or my bir …’ She stopped mid-word and clamped her mouth shut.

  ‘Your what?’

  ‘Nothing, forget I said any –’

  ‘Camilla Morrison, is it your birthday today?’

  ‘I …’

  ‘Why didn’t you say anything?’

  ‘Um …’

  ‘And why are you babysitting on your birthday? I’m going to kill Jamie when he gets back. Swanning off and leaving you holding the baby when it’s your birthday. Tosser.’

  ‘Rosie’s hardly a baby, Pav, and they don’t even know that it’s –’

  ‘Hello? Millie? Are you … Oh.’ Libby froze at the entrance to the living room and stared at a cuddled-up Pav, Millie and Beauty pile on the sofa. A slow smile spread over her face. Millie didn’t think that Libby would appreciate sofa-cuddling when Millie was supposed to be in charge of a minor. She was pretty sure that was a big no-no in the childcare courses she’d sat through to prove to Libby that she was safe to look after Rosie. So she tried to sit up and away from Pav, who tightened his arm around her in response.

  ‘Well, if it isn’t the selfish duo back from their night of debauchery,’ Pav said, and Millie elbowed him in the ribs.

  ‘For Christ’s sake, what are you doing here?’ asked Jamie, slinging his arm around his wife’s shoulders. ‘Millie, is he bothering you? We should have taken away his key. Listen, Pav, I love you, man, but that does not mean that I want you in my house when I come home from a romantic evening with my wife.’

  ‘Lucky I was here,’ Pav slammed back. ‘Or Millie would have spent her birthday alone thanks to you.’

  ‘Ugh,’ Millie grunted, having had enough of Pav’s rant on her behalf. She managed to wriggle out of his arms and nearly did the splits stepping over the dog to stand next to the coffee table. Once she got her balance and brushed off the dog detritus, she felt her hair settle around her shoulders. She put a tentative hand up to ascertain that, yes: it was all over the shop and probably looked exactly like she’d been fooling around on the sofa. She sighed.

  ‘It’s your birthday, hun?’ asked Libby softly as she stepped around Beauty to stand next to her. ‘Why didn’t you say?’

  ‘Shit, I’m sorry, Mils,’ said Jamie, his face falling. ‘We shouldn’t have asked you to sit – it’s just Rosie scared off most of our other regulars.’

  ‘Well it’s a bit late now to –’ Pav started.

  ‘For fu … goodness’ sake, Pav,’ Millie said through gritted teeth, and everyone’s wide eyes swung to her. She realised this was probably the first time they’d heard her come even close to swearing. Come to think of it, it was the first time she could remember coming close to swearing. Probably another little piece of Pav/Kira influence. She liked it. ‘I wanted to babysit. What do you think I normally do on my birthday?’

  ‘Well, I …’ Pav frowned and Millie rolled her eyes.

  ‘I haven’t celebrated my birthday in … well, to be honest I can’t remember ever really celebrating.’

  ‘Not even as a child?’ Libby asked, her beautiful face showing surprise and a little concern. Millie shuddered when she remembered some of the parties her parents had made her endure (the type designed for adults and not kids, stuffed with people she didn’t know but was expected to talk to – not that she ever could, which of course her mother assumed was ‘purely to annoy’ her). ‘Don’t you even see your family on your birthday?’

  ‘Um … well, no. We’re not really big on birthdays. I usually … well, I usually try to work late, and then …’ She trailed off, hating that they could all see how pathetic her life really was. She felt a stinging at the back of her eyes and, like always, successfully fought it back. ‘Right, well, it’s late so I need to get out of your way and …’ There was a loud pop and she whipped round to see a champagne cork fly through the air from the kitchen.

  ‘You’re not going anywhere, young lady, until you’ve had some goddamn champagne.’ Jamie’s voice was firm and even a little fierce. ‘Libby, have we got any cake?’ He asked the question so forcefully it was almost as if the future of the human race relied on the answer.

  ‘Uh …’ Libby swept off into the kitchen and dug around in the drawers until she found a box of Jaffa Cakes.

  ‘They’re biscuits,’ Jamie said as Pav moved off the sofa and came up behind Millie, guiding her towards the kitchen with a hand to her back.

  ‘It says “cakes” on the packet and it’s all we have.’

  ‘Fine,’ Jamie snapped, grabbing
the packet, ripping it open and then shoving a small candle into one of the Jaffa Cakes that were now strewn all over the kitchen counter.

  ‘Jamie, please, don’t be silly,’ Millie said in a small voice as she tried to edge towards the front door. Pav was ready, though, to block her way. ‘It doesn’t mat –’

  ‘It bloody well does matter,’ Jamie told her, pinning her with a stare which put paid to any ideas she had about leaving. She bit her lip and Jamie’s expression softened. ‘Come on, honey. Blow out a candle and we’ll have some champagne. Five minutes.’

  Five minutes became forty-five. Millie dutifully blew out the candle and sipped the champagne. She felt awkward and uncomfortable with the attention. Ten minutes in she tried to leave again. But then after listening to the flow of conversation around her, realising that they didn’t expect anything from her except to be with them, she started to relax. She even told them about her Knock System: a way she had of knowing who was knocking on her office door when she was on call to be prepared and less stressed when they confronted her. There was Alpha Male Knock (Jamie and Pav both fitted into this category), Funny but Not Funny Knock, Too Much Testosterone Knock, Lunatic Knock (Kira was the main culprit here and to some extent Jamie also fell into this category).

  ‘What if they knock like a normal human being?’ asked Libby through her laughter.

  ‘Ah, yes, the Normal Knock; only radiographers seem able to pull that one off.’

  Before she left, Millie, much to her confusion and not a small amount of alarm, was hauled into a big bear hug from Jamie. To be honest Millie hadn’t had the impression that Jamie was a big fan of hers in the past. He’d always seemed wary about her looking after Rosie. She’d been worried for a while that he knew that she was the secret source for the money Libby received as a “grant” from the Deanery. But when he didn’t confront her about it, she realised that it was just her that he found lacking in some way. She hadn’t thought much of it. People not taking to her had been a regular theme in her life. But she hadn’t realised until she was engulfed in his arms how much it meant to her to have him accept her. She suspected there was a small dose of pity prompting that acceptance, but Millie wasn’t going to argue.